The last time I hated myself

           The last time I hated myself. On 28^th of July, I was on a swing in a nearby playground at 11 o’clock. On the sky was a moon that seemed to look inside me and know everything and every aspect of me, a knowledge that seemed for me impossible to gain. A feeling of guilt and regret swerved over me. I did not study at school which my parents paid. I used a lot of money doing extra activities such as going to India. All the activities I took pride in just seemed as excuses for my lazy behaviors. In short, I felt despondent.

           As all the other feelings do, the feeling of regret faded away as time passed. One day, after a week or so, I had a chance to have introspection. I found out that I am a person who is straight forward, a person who only does something when I am interested, and a person who is full of potentials. Of course, this might seem a bit haughty. However, I concluded that it is not bad to take some confidence in oneself after all. I believe that was the time when I actually planned out for my life. Before, I was a person who just ran into incidents without actually planning.

           I planned for my third grade in high school. I was a person who did not care about grade that much. I focused more on athletics and my interests. However, maybe because of feeling nervous about college or because of just interest to see how much I can achieve in academics, I planned my study. I felt satisfied and estranged at the same time. Since I have never planned out my life specifically, I do not really know how it is going to be. However, what I can know for sure is that I am going to do well. Why? Because I have faith in myself and in my plans, I know that I am not going to fail. Even if I do, I know that I am not going to fall hard.